Types of Mothers.
The popular cliché like mother, like daughter aptly describes the kind of influence that mother tend to have on their daughters. Researches have shown that a mother’s relationship with her daughter affects the latter’s social, work and love life. If every mother would take a critical look at her life, she would discover that she is raising her children in likewise manner as her. Most women would love to do a better job than their mothers but often times, many of them end up repeating the same mistakes with their own children.
A mother’s behaviour will therefore have a lasting impact on the life on her child; the tone of the mother’s emotional outpouring during the child’s growing up years is bound to affect the kind of relationship she has with all and sundry. For instance, if the mother is the type that moves from one husband to the other, the daughter shouldn’t be surprised if she finds it difficult to stick to one man.
The only way to escape from this stereotype is to study the four types of mothers that exist, what makes them tick and how to learn from their mistakes. Knowing how these mothers behave helps potential daughters know how to avoid the same pitfalls that they did. If you want to be one of the perfect type of mothers you have always dreamt of to your children especially your daughters, try not to be like any of the types of mothers described below
The perfectionist types of mothers
The perfectionist mother is very demanding and critical with a very high standard and expects everybody including her kids to conform to her standard. There is nothing like failure in her dictionary as she likes everything to be done the proper way, doesn’t believe in short-cuts or half measures and has zero tolerance for indolence.
A perfectionist mother wants her surroundings kept spic and span at all times. Any child born to this kind of mother will live most of her life trying to please her mother; she is also hard to live with because either she wants her daughter to be an exact replica of herself or wants her to be as organized as she is thereby pushing her hard to be successful in life.
As a result, the daughter will end up as an ambitious person as well as a workaholic. Her colleagues and subordinates will resent her because she gives no room for laxity from any quarter.
She will also force others to work at her own pace and in a highly organized manner. Her love life might suffer too because she will expect a whole lot from her partner as she will want him to be perfect and on discovering that he has weaknesses like every individual, she will start criticizing him which in turn could lead to the eventual collapse of their relationship.
The possessive types of mothers
The possessive mother is likely to smother child with love and affection. The reason behind her doing so is for the sole aim of wanting to be the child’s best friend and confidant, thereby discouraging the child from making friends; the possessive mother doesn’t want her child to be far away from her for too long and would do everything possible to keep her by her side. She will want her child to be a day student and even live under her roof with her spouse when she eventually gets married.
Anyone who has this type of woman as her mother would be a “mummy’s girl” throughout her lifetime and because she is dependent on her mother, find it very difficult to make decisions on her own and would always be seeking her approval. The daughter of a possessive mother will change jobs frequently as she will not feel secure in her job and would always feel the urge to move on to something better. Her love life will also suffer as a result of her dependency on her mother because it would cause crisis between her and her partner who will return resent the amount of time she spends with her mother.
Also the fact that she relates with her mother everything that transpires between herself and her partner is likely to create friction in their relationship. The fact of the mother interfering in their marital affairs will also not help matters.
The overprotective mother
The overprotective mother is the paranoid type because she is the type that sees danger where there is none and is always worried about the safety of her child; so she tries to keep her out of harm’s way. She will also want to shelter her from the terrible world out there by keeping her locked at home; in other words, she cannot go out without her mother’s permission, the mother conducts investigations on the type of friends she moves with and anybody she doesn’t approve of she tells off, likewise potential suitors.
The daughter of an overprotective mother has the tendency of suffering from low self-esteem or living a life of fear and insecurity, as a result, her work, social life and love life will suffer. She will not want to take on responsibilities and challenges for fear of failure and be overprotective of her partner and might end up scaring him away.
The antagonistic mother
The antagonistic mother is the self-centred type and has no time for any child. Also, she is not the maternal type as she believes in bearing children because it is expected of her as a woman. Since she is not interested in parenting stuffs like nurturing and raising her kids to become responsible adults, she will leave her responsibilities to others like house helps or domestic staff.
The child will lack motherly care, affection and attention but is likely to be a loner; she will be cold and aloof to people in order to keep them at arm’s length. She is likely to share her feelings, fears and aspirations with anybody rather she keep everything bottled up. Her distant attitude would keep people away from her because she is the highly independent type and will not want to be under the roof of any man and might end up being a single mother.
MENDING MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS
The mother-daughter relationship is so important to most women, yet it can often be fraught with hurt, disappointment, anger or conflict. A good number of daughters are eager to leave home or get married so as to avoid the regular rift with their mothers while some find a friend in their fathers.
Speaking with Mrs Funso Adegbola, a legal practitioner on this issue, she explained, “I believe mothers should be good role models for children, irrespective of sex. In handling our daughters, we should be open to them so as to listen to their yearnings and challenges. There should be an avenue for interaction so as to know what they are going through. Some are being exposed to sexually abused/harassed while quite a number are daily exposed to negative peer group pressure and bad habits like smoking, drug abuse and the likes. Mothers should be there to offer useful advice.”
Corroborating what Mrs Adegbola said, Mrs Wuraola Ogunkeye, another legal practitioner also explained, “I believe we should be friends because being friends with our daughters is the only way to win their confidence. Though at times they feel we are old-fashioned with the assurance that we don’t betray them, they are bound to tell us so many things.”
What are the disappointments and joys that have touched her life? Revelations from these give an insight to her behaviour. There is no harm in talking to mummy about those things bordering on one’s relationship in a loving, respectful, grown-up and assertive way.
For how long will you make decisions for your daughter and pattern out her life? A good mother needs to hands off and let her daughter make her own life decisions- even if she disagrees with those decisions. According to Mrs Ogunkeye, “It is always good to give our children opportunities to express themselves. Ask them questions because it is only when this is done, a mother would know what the daughter is passing through which might need prayers and probably a little bit of counselling. Keep them shut up will only spell doom. When she is free to tell you her mind, then you as a mother will be able to train and mould her. It is also important to allow female children make friends; let them bring their friends home so as to know the people they interact with.”
Lastly, Mrs Adegbola stressed, “Mothers are the hands that rock the cradle; hence, the future of this country depends on how we raise our daughters. Don’t forget that well groomed girls will be better sisters, wives, mothers and women for their families and the society at large.”
Dear mum, think about what you would have liked your own mother to have said or done differently and try to do these things for your daughter. It works!
So now talk to me.
Among these types of mothers listed above, do you think you or your mother fall into any category?
what is your advice, tell us in the comment.