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Otaba Dorcas

Steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria

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steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria.

Usually people find it difficult to move on from toxic relationships with people who maybe for some reasons do not deserve their company anymore.

Have you ever been stuck in a relationship that was rather draining?
Do you always feel you won’t find companionship somewhere else if you leave these persons?

Are you still staying with someone because maybe you are scared of what the society will say?

Does it sound like I’m talking to or about you?

You are welcome.

Because you are reading the right article.
Look, we’ve all been there, so I definitely can relate. These stuff happen to so many persons and it is safe to say it is normal. Yes, really.

But here we go!!
You don’t have to stay around if you are not comfortable anymore, you know life is short right? Yes it is.

So we gotta do what we gotta do.

Actually we gotta do what is right and what goes well with our peace.

Because peace is what matters right?
People find it hard to deal with toxic relations but then can’t move on?
I get it.

Reasons are uncountable, reasons good enough for you to stick around.
At least, you’ve been together for 6 years, you started the business together, or he is your childhood buddy. Whatever.

Is it draining you?
Move on.

So I’ll be giving us practical steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria.

steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria

steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria

Reduce your calling rate

Close friends have routine of calling themselves to check up and make sure they are staying aboard of what’s happening around their friend or partner.

So, it is safe if I assume you call at dawn to say good morning, during the day to check up on them how their day is coming and later at night to say goodnight. Awwwn, how sweet of you darling.

But it’s time to cut down, here it is.
You no longer want to continue with that relationship for obvious reasons, but you are not just going to cut off from them just like that.

First we hate to move on from people then make them our enemies at the end. Remember we’ve had nice times with them yeah?

They may be toxic now, but we don’t want to ruin the chances of getting favor from them in future. Not like we want to be Pest or gold diggers NO.

Firstly, call them just once in a day, pick your favorite hours, call them. Check up on them, ask them how their day went and all those fantasies, be cheerful.

As as you move on try not to call them throughout 24-48 hours
You want to move on and not to die please.

 

How to deal with their frequent calls?

You are busy dear, you got some very important activities to catch up and taking their calls will delay you or even make you loose a deal or contract.

 

Oh no! Spare me that side eye look, am not teaching you how to tell lies.
But whichever method you may want to excuse their frequent calls, it’s fine.

You want to move on right?
You can’t spend all your day talking to people you want to get rid of from your life.

And as you avoid their calls, try to return calls and maybe don’t explain why you were not taking calls and even when you need to, say it like you don’t owe them that.

Wait!! Who wants to move on from someone who calls frequently anyway?
Isn’t this a sweet habit to help you stick your ass with someone forever?

Reduce how often you meet with them

Oh, unfortunately your once in a week dates has to be once in a month now dear.

You don’t want to keep seeing this persons, remember you are trying to heal.

Staying away from them will help you get rid of the memory and all those stuff.
So just relax and don’t meet with them too soon.

steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria

steps to move on from a relationship in Nigeria

Talk on phone and text.
You know distance is a bastard.
That fool plays a role without your permission.

 

Get involved in activities

Get busy with necessary things and activities. This works magic.

Time heals. And as you get busy with stuff without giving a damn anymore, time at the other hand is working the wonders of healing us.

For a while those necessary activities will pay off and at the other hand you have your peace again because you have moved on.

Make friends

Hey stop it, stop running away from making friends, I understand friends are back stabbers and can be very toxic and unbelievable but that still doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make friends right?

Whether or not you choose to involve your friends in a relationship you are trying to get rid of, we can’t over emphasize the fact that friends play an important role.

I respect my friends a lot, because you see those guys right there? there are the ones I pour my frustration on whenever I needed company and all, funnily, most times, there don’t even know I am hurt.
I just maybe engage them online with long gist, or visit them to spend weekends at their place.

Imagine life without friends?
Suicide, suicide rate will be higher than this.
Never underestimate the power of your friends.

 

Talk to someone

When we are close with people and are intimately connected to them, our inner eyes are blindfolded to some realities. I understand people can be scumbags and all.

In fact, people can betray and lead you out of track too.
But then you gotta try to tell someone about what’s going on with you, people can help you make some necessary decisions.

Because, they maybe some abusive attitude you’ve been putting up with around your partner, to you, love is all that matters.

Whether the relationship is getting abusive or not, you don’t see this things.
Because you are in love.

Talk to someone, ask them if what is happening between you and your partner is right.

Talk and don’t die in silence.

Try to create content from your relationship

This sounds really strange but trust me when I say it works magic like crazy.
Heart broken people become poets, story tellers and content creators over night.
For once, you will come up with contents that are nonfiction.

Try to pour out your mind through write-ups and/or videos.

This will not only take your time by keeping you engaged but it will also give you the opportunity to listen to yourself and maybe know why you really want to move on.

Take relevant break or holidays.

I hear people ask, why do people always need some space and go on certain trips when they are heart broken?
Like, are you kidding me?

Do you realize this guys put a lot of energy into a relationship with people?
And you just expect them to lost their memory like they were involved in an accident that got their brains restored to factory settings?

It does not work that way.
It’s a gradual process.
It’s going to take some time.
We only don’t know how long but we hope the duration is short enough for them to realize life goes on.

So yes, go for Vacation with loved ones and friends.

Try both old and new things.

Try practicing old things. This won’t only keep you busy but will also build your sense of humor and give you a feeling of agility, like you realise how strong and powerful you are to perform some functions without the help of anyone.
Meanwhile trying new things is also a great idea, it is part of your moving on process and will help you develop your mental ability.

Practice self care.

The paramount rule anyone should imbibe is self care, as careless as we all can be when entangled with our partners, we think less of ourselves and would barely get reasonable attention from yourself. Yes it is that bad.

We are always in the forefront to please others, whether or not they care about us the same way.

Think about it, if you actually are willing to move on, then you gotta practice compulsory self love and doing like your life depends on it.

Believe in yourself

It’s a break up and not a death sentence. Stop telling yourself how Less of a person you are and that is why you were dumped.
Who said you were dumped anyway? Relationships will always end in a not too good way (most cases) and it’s not your fault, you are not inferior. You are a strong personality.
Believe in yourself.

Be generous

The generous feeling comes with fulfillment, peace of mind and happiness.
Most often, you are busy looking out for people than been weighed down by a past you are trying to forget.
Be generous.

Every tip shared in this article is a go to skill and very practical, I hope you find a way around helping your self out from a relationship that you don’t see a future in.

What ever the case may be, do remember that we only live once and your happiness is more paramount.
Hey, your friends might need to read this article, kindly share to them and leave a comment, tell us how you feel about this article.

We love you and wish you all the peace in the world.
Subscribe too.
Love and light.

Check this article out how-to-get-started-when-youre-overwhelmed

Types of mothers

By | General | No Comments

 

Types of Mothers.

The popular cliché like mother, like daughter aptly describes the kind of influence that mother tend to have on their daughters. Researches have shown that a mother’s relationship with her daughter affects the latter’s social, work and love life. If every mother would take a critical look at her life, she would discover that she is raising her children in likewise manner as her. Most women would love to do a better job than their mothers but often times, many of them end up repeating the same mistakes with their own children.

A mother’s behaviour will therefore have a lasting impact on the life on her child; the tone of the mother’s emotional outpouring during the child’s growing up years is bound to affect the kind of relationship she has with all and sundry. For instance, if the mother is the type that moves from one husband to the other, the daughter shouldn’t be surprised if she finds it difficult to stick to one man.

The only way to escape from this stereotype is to study the four types of mothers that exist, what makes them tick and how to learn from their mistakes. Knowing how these mothers behave helps potential daughters know how to avoid the same pitfalls that they did. If you want to be one of the perfect type of mothers you have always dreamt of to your children especially your daughters, try not to be like any of the types of mothers described below

The perfectionist types of mothers

 

Types of mothers ( mother and daughter)

Types of mothers ( mother and daughter)

The perfectionist mother is very demanding and critical with a very high standard and expects everybody including her kids to conform to her standard. There is nothing like failure in her dictionary as she likes everything to be done the proper way, doesn’t believe in short-cuts or half measures and has zero tolerance for indolence.

A perfectionist mother wants her surroundings kept spic and span at all times. Any child born to this kind of mother will live most of her life trying to please her mother; she is also hard to live with because either she wants her daughter to be an exact replica of herself or wants her to be as organized as she is thereby pushing her hard to be successful in life.

As a result, the daughter will end up as an ambitious person as well as a workaholic. Her colleagues and subordinates will resent her because she gives no room for laxity from any quarter.

She will also force others to work at her own pace and in a highly organized manner. Her love life might suffer too because she will expect a whole lot from her partner as she will want him to be perfect and on discovering that he has weaknesses like every individual, she will start criticizing him which in turn could lead to the eventual collapse of their relationship.

The possessive types of mothers

The possessive mother is likely to smother child with love and affection. The reason behind her doing so is for the sole aim of wanting to be the child’s best friend and confidant, thereby discouraging the child from making friends; the possessive mother doesn’t want her child to be far away from her for too long and would do everything possible to keep her by her side. She will want her child to be a day student and even live under her roof with her spouse when she eventually gets married.

Anyone who has this type of woman as her mother would be a “mummy’s girl” throughout her lifetime and because she is dependent on her mother, find it very difficult to make decisions on her own and would always be seeking her approval. The daughter of a possessive mother will change jobs frequently as she will not feel secure in her job and would always feel the urge to move on to something better. Her love life will also suffer as a result of her dependency on her mother because it would cause crisis between her and her partner who will return resent the amount of time she spends with her mother.

Also the fact that she relates with her mother everything that transpires between herself and her partner is likely to create friction in their relationship. The fact of the mother interfering in their marital affairs will also not help matters.

The overprotective mother

The overprotective mother is the paranoid type because she is the type that sees danger where there is none and is always worried about the safety of her child; so she tries to keep her out of harm’s way. She will also want to shelter her from the terrible world out there by keeping her locked at home; in other words, she cannot go out without her mother’s permission, the mother conducts investigations on the type of friends she moves with and anybody she doesn’t approve of she tells off, likewise potential suitors.

The daughter of an overprotective mother has the tendency of suffering from low self-esteem or living a life of fear and insecurity, as a result, her work, social life and love life will suffer. She will not want to take on responsibilities and challenges for fear of failure and be overprotective of her partner and might end up scaring him away.

 

The antagonistic mother

 

Types of mothers ( mother and son)

Types of mothers ( mother and son)

The antagonistic mother is the self-centred type and has no time for any child. Also, she is not the maternal type as she believes in bearing children because it is expected of her as a woman. Since she is not interested in parenting stuffs like nurturing and raising her kids to become responsible adults, she will leave her responsibilities to others like house helps or domestic staff.

The child will lack motherly care, affection and attention but is likely to be a loner; she will be cold and aloof to people in order to keep them at arm’s length. She is likely to share her feelings, fears and aspirations with anybody rather she keep everything bottled up. Her distant attitude would keep people away from her because she is the highly independent type and will not want to be under the roof of any man and might end up being a single mother.

MENDING MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS

The mother-daughter relationship is so important to most women, yet it can often be fraught with hurt, disappointment, anger or conflict. A good number of daughters are eager to leave home or get married so as to avoid the regular rift with their mothers while some find a friend in their fathers.

 

Speaking with Mrs Funso Adegbola, a legal practitioner on this issue, she explained, “I believe mothers should be good role models for children, irrespective of sex. In handling our daughters, we should be open to them so as to listen to their yearnings and challenges. There should be an avenue for interaction so as to know what they are going through. Some are being exposed to sexually abused/harassed while quite a number are daily exposed to negative peer group pressure and bad habits like smoking, drug abuse and the likes. Mothers should be there to offer useful advice.”
Corroborating what Mrs Adegbola said, Mrs Wuraola Ogunkeye, another legal practitioner also explained, “I believe we should be friends because being friends with our daughters is the only way to win their confidence. Though at times they feel we are old-fashioned with the assurance that we don’t betray them, they are bound to tell us so many things.”
What are the disappointments and joys that have touched her life?  Revelations from these give an insight to her behaviour. There is no harm in talking to mummy about those things bordering on one’s relationship in a loving, respectful, grown-up and assertive way.
For how long will you make decisions for your daughter and pattern out her life? A good mother needs to hands off and let her daughter make her own life decisions- even if she disagrees with those decisions. According to Mrs Ogunkeye, “It is always good to give our children opportunities to express themselves. Ask them questions because it is only when this is done, a mother would know what the daughter is passing through which might need prayers and probably a little bit of counselling. Keep them shut up will only spell doom. When she is free to tell you her mind, then you as a mother will be able to train and mould her. It is also important to allow female children make friends; let them bring their friends home so as to know the people they interact with.”
Lastly, Mrs Adegbola stressed, “Mothers are the hands that rock the cradle; hence, the future of this country depends on how we raise our daughters. Don’t forget that well groomed girls will be better sisters, wives, mothers and women for their families and the society at large.”
Dear mum, think about what you would have liked your own mother to have said or done differently and try to do these things for your daughter. It works!

So now talk to me.

Among these types of mothers listed above, do you think you or your mother fall into any category?

what is your advice, tell us in the comment.

Read also: how-social-media-affects-women-self-esteem-in-nigeria

How social media affects women self esteem in Nigeria

By | General | One Comment

How social media affects women self esteem in Nigeria

This article is almost for every woman in Nigeria, because yes!! Somehow social media have had an effect on your self esteem. It’s either the effect was negative or positive either ways, there was an effect (As my fellow Nigerians will say it ).

This article will address your quest about what social media has caused so far.
First off, you and I know Social_media is almost as important as the air we breath, because it has contributed tremendously to our today century, at such the importance can not be overemphasized.
So, this article is going to share with us people’s opinions and life experiences on how social media affects women self esteem in Nigeria.

When a woman is focused and paying the price for her future now she wouldn’t be moved by the display of life of people on social media. Most of the pictures people paint on social media about their lives are not genuine or misinterpreted.

Here is a short gist about a guy I knew from University days, though I was ahead of him but we were in same department. After we left school, he went into fish farming and was doing well. He persuaded me to start the business, but I had the plan to go further in my academics. Few years after, i saw a glamorous picture of him on FB, he was seated on a beautiful Italian leathered cushion chair in a well interior designed sitting room. I was like, wow! This guy is now a big man, how I wished I invested the money I used for my Msc for the fish farming he introduced to me.

Few weeks ago, he celebrated his birthday and I saw his real sitting room. Not bragging, the set of chairs in my sitting room is far better than his. The previous picture was a picture he must have taken when he visited someone.

Women need to stop comparing themselves with others who are probably displaying fake life, fake beauty(use of snap chat), fake happy marriage, fake prosperity etc. Appreciate yourself, don’t despise your little beginning.”
‘Tolulope Ogedengbe’

Tolulope Ogedengbe

Women get negative feedback from social media that makes them insecure and frustrated.
People don’t post ugly pictures or when they are depressed, they give you a vibe that portrays positivity, and that’s all you have access to.
People generally portray themselves positively, they don’t post their bad times or days, or even photos of themselves looking sick, not well kept, probably frustrated.

Most Social media users tend to think that the thin/slim people are more attractive and may be more self conscious about how they they themselves look.
They are also more motivated to exercise or many other means in a bid to improve their body bodies (which it’s not even necessary).

Social media has become a way to put false reality in our vision whether we opt for them or not.

Let’s not Allow Social media Affect our self esteem, it’s just fun that is meant to be.”
Canice Ruth
IG handle @Caniceunusual
Facebook @Canice Ruth

Canice Ruth

Most times I wonder if there will be so much nudity flying around if there was not social media.
Sharing naked pictures in exchange for love, it’s really sad but it is what it is.
“Cecilia Ibingha.”

 

Social media can influence women positively and enable them get a good self esteem, they can get inspired by someone and choose to standout……but it all depend on the choices we make.
Anonymous.

How a woman self-esteem gets affected just from the pictures or videos posted on social media amazes me.

They get wrong messages that all the looks on facebook is real.

And this can lower the self esteem of a woman as she feels she’s not measuring up to standard not knowing that social media is more of make believe.”

Obi Love

IG: Zereshh

Obi Love

Women are very emotional beings and we react quickly to everything. Women are also very competitive and always want to show off and social media is the best place/platform/opportunity to show the world how beautiful we are and how much we own.

Social media is the new home and safe space and women particularly want to have the best record and because of this, their online and offline confidence depends on how good their social media life is, from followings to likes and comments to the point that they tend to be very unhappy when they don’t hit their target.

And that’s the main reason why especially women take pictures in the best places just to put up on their social media platforms.
IG: Calabar_beadsplug

Elizabeth Idor

 

Social media affects women self esteem in Nigeria differently, it’s already stated clearly from different opinions above.

However, social media should always stir positive vibes and help you fix technological problems, we are tired of having people die of depression as a result of social media.

Maybe you should just ignore the competitive aspect and focus on the educative? Is that possible? Abi is that not a solution to this low self esteem that comes with social media?
Or what is your opinion?

Tell us in the comment session, I’ll like to hear from you, plus you can share life experiences too?

Have you subscribed to our newsletter yet? do you know you are missing out on special offers if you have not?

 

Hey, i think you will like this: ways-to-value-yourself-as-a-woman

How can I develop myself

By | General | 2 Comments

How can I develop myself.

 

If you are always thinking of ways to develop and improve from who you are right now or maybe you’ve being on this personal development thing for a while now, Mehn!, you are not alone in that shitty state.
I’ve once being there, in fact it was just 3 years ago, I thought deeply on ways I could become a better version of myself and be an ideal woman, ( I had/have a mental picture of who I really wanted to develop myself into) shockingly,it is not as easy as we say it.

But somehow I have recorded tremendous changes when it comes to personal development and in this article, I’m going to share with you practical tips to give you rapid development .

Tips on how you can develop yourself

Wake up early

Waking up early, gives you a sense of readiness to face your day and every activity that comes with it. Rising early enough gives you the opportunity to plan your day ahead.
Not the usual waking up 1 hour to work or appointment time and now you still got to fix some stuffs at home, you will not even have anytime to think about yourself.
People who do this always run late for appointment and still not achieve anything personal.

 

Choose role models

I’m going to tell you one of my top secrets, promise me you won’t tell anyone, lol!.

Okay, here it is “Oprah Winfrey is one of my role models” when I was growing up, I heard some myths about having role models ” that role model always have negative effect on their subordinates and they must be someone you know ” wow, but here it is, I found out the truth “role models play 40 percent role in your personal development, apparently, we all need role models
( role model appeared too many times😁, I’m sorry about that, I’m just trying to ring the importance )

Plus, role models must not be a close person, after all, I have never seen Oprah_Winfrey before, although I wish to see her someday but this doesn’t change her contributions in my life.

 

Read about what you want to improve

I usually didn’t like reading so much but when I decided to start writing, I knew I was also up for a reading challenge.

But if I have to read, it has to be materials that will improve my writing skills and develop me to the writer I desire to be, I shouldn’t just be around every book I come across ( no knowledge is wasted, I know right? I only consider reading other contents when I know they are useful right away or in the future)

Find a mentor

During my teenage years, my Aunt was my mentor, it was the best decision, because at the time, she met my criteria and she contributed so much in building my self-esteem and developing my mindset. Maybe I wouldn’t be here if I never had a mentor. I may still not go further if I don’t have a mentor.

I am very inquisitive and like doing things right, people who I look up to or my mentors are really tolerant and well behaved.
You need to find a mentor, a person you can trust with part of your future, let them be around to guide and encourage you when you are down or broken.

The journey of development cannot be embarked on alone, you need an experienced person also.

 

Reflect at the end of each day

Remember to reflect at the end of each day, it’s like a business person taking stock of how his sales went the previous day.

Reflection will help you know how much of your day activities were achieved and if you should try harder the next day.
Create a strong practice regimen.

Practice they say makes perfection, whatever your plans are regarding your personal development, it has to be realistic and feasible, such that you can easily practice without so much stress.
Once you come up with a strong practice regimen, achieving your goals will be easy and less strenuous.

Practice is a form of discipline and consistency, you just have to imbibe the habit and you will see results.

 

Find others to push you and train with

Self development might be personal but it is always better to follow other people who have same goal, this set of people will not only push you, they will also train with you, and your journey won’t take too long.

 

Create a reward/punishment system

Usually when I achieve anything, no matter how little, I will always give myself a treat, I will buy chocolate and prepare a smoothie for myself, that is me thanking my strength for doing a new important thing in my life.

So what do I do when I fail? well, I brood, I will stay off social media, stay off my family and friends, this sound a little too hard right?

Well, it’s isn’t for so long, it just gives me new ideas to re-plan and to me that’s a punishment system.

Stay honest with yourself

I will always tell young people, you can’t lie to yourself, because you know your strengths and weaknesses.

Always be honest, if you aren’t getting it right, make sure you rethink your strategy.

Evaluate your steps, know why you are failing and try to make quick changes and amends.

Don’t front a public picture that you are not, let your true self reflect. If you are not comfortable with who you are, then you should do something about it.

Be Consistent

Consistency is paramount and is key, nothing good comes easy.
Only the strong achieves, no short cut to success.

It is either you pay the price of success which got everything to do with consistency or you sit back and wallow in self pity.

 

Let’s talk about you!!

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Read also: how-to-get-started-when-youre-overwhelmed

ways-to-value-yourself-as-a-woman